A Different (Worst/Funny) Experience of The Thai Massage

If you follow my Facebook page, you probably know by now that I am currently in Thailand and I’ve spent a few days in Bangkok which I really didn’t like (more on that on a different post). So to somehow change my views of the city and bring back the love that I HAD for it, I went to get a treat for myself. What better treat can I get aside from a Thai massage?

Photo by: landingstanding.com

I am addicted to this type of massage which is really ironic because I have a very low threshold of pain and when you’re getting one, you’re practically being beaten up. I love it though because the masseuse usually stretch you and in the process of it, cracks your bones. I love cracking my knuckles (a habit the boyfriend hates) so I really am looking forward of getting one in Bangkok to have my spine cracked. A few months ago I had a problem with my back and went to a chiropractor to realign my spine and I have paid AED600 for that procedure. I was thinking the whole time that I could’ve gotten myself a Thai massage instead for AED100 because it’s basically the same thing. At least I think it is.

So anyway, off I went to a massage parlor since the one at the hotel was ridiculously expensive (THB1400 for 1 hour). Who were they kidding? It’s Bangkok! I can just walk around a few meters from the hotel and could find one, which I did. The massage parlor looked decent enough from the outside and there were a lot of couples going in and some people sitting on the lazy boy chairs at the ground floor having a foot massage. Plus the price was THB300 only for 1 hour so off I went in.

I was greeted by the Thai receptionist “Sawasdee kaaaaaaahhhh” to which I have responded the same way. She started speaking Thai to me and I had to cut her mid-sentence to let her know that I’m not Thai and I’ve no idea what she’s saying. I hate doing that. I think it’s really impolite of me but I think looking like a Thai but not really a Thai isn’t a crime though. I told her I would like to have a Thai massage and then she led me to one of the lazy boys and asked me to wait. An older woman came with a basin to wash my feet and as soon as she touched the sole of my feet she immediately exclaimed: “Whoa!!!!! Dry feet!!!!” Yes, I know that thank you very much for reminding me and being so blunt about it. Please make it louder because I don’t think the people having a massage next door was able to hear it. LOL. I have not had a pedicure nor a foot spa for a very long time because I hate it and after a lot of hiking and walking around Greece the previous 2 weeks with me just wearing flip flops, it made my feet even more dry.

She then lead me upstairs and asked me to change my clothes to the one that they have. It’s a lose and very comfortable pyjama-like shorts and top which will allow me to move freely – good for all the stretching that she’s about to give me. There was a man having a massage on the next curtain, I was hoping he didn’t choose a “happy ending” one as it will be really awkward for me to shut him up if he gets too excited. LOL. The lady doing my massage started with my feet and engaged me in a conversation:

Lady: Where are you from?
Me: Philippines
Lady: Oh hihihihi I thought you’re Thai hihihihi same same face hihihihi
Me: Yeah, same same but different
Lady: You married? hihihi
Me: No
Lady: Why? How old are you? hihihi
Me: 29
Lady: Ahhh 29, you should marry. What about boyfriend? hihihi
Me: No (I didn’t want her to ask any other questions at this point so I just said no but it didn’t stop her)
Lady: Ohhh why not?
Me: I don’t know
Lady: You like falang? hihihi
Me: I like what?
Lady: Falang
Me: (then I remembered in Thailand, they call the caucasians “Farang”) Ah! No. (still the answer didn’t stop her)
Lady: Why not? They nice and rich. hihihi

I was holding my laughter after that last statement and didn’t respond anymore and I swear she was laughing the whole time she was talking to me. She then stopped asking questions and started talking to the lady giving the guy on the other side of the curtain a massage. They were talking like it’s the most normal thing that they can do while giving a client a massage which really fascinated me. At some point, she opened the curtain which divides my bed and the guy’s bed just so she can talk to her more appropriately. I swear it happened! She then started massaging my thighs and I really am ticklish on that area. I was holding my breathe so that I won’t laugh but I didn’t know that in the process of it my face was doing a wince as well like I was in pain. So the lady asked me if it’s painful, I said no but it’s ticklish. She didn’t understand the word “ticklish” so I started acting it out the best way I can – scratch my armpit and make a laughing sound. The lady didn’t get it either and just looked at me like I suddenly grew an antenna out of my head or something and started speaking Thai again to the lady on the other side of the curtain. I bet she told her that I am a lunatic.

They went on and on and on, chatting with each other. At some point, I felt like I was disturbing them and that I should just leave and let them be. They were talking about me as well and they did not hide it from me. I don’t speak Thai but the other lady must have asked my lady where I’m from because my lady said “Filipina”. It might be a coincidence but right after she said it she then turned her head to me and said: Filipina, right??? LOL

While she was stretching my legs, she got really surprised that my legs can go all the way to my head easily (used to dance ballet). She was very amused that she showed my talent to the other lady who gave me an applause. She did it several more times which I think she just did for her own amusement – nothing to do with the Thai massage. It happened again while I was sitting cross-legged on the bed and she was stretching my back. She pushed me down forward and my whole upper body was flat on the bed. She again was amused by it and shared this fantastic talent of mine to the other lady who again clapped. LOL.

The whole process was not very pleasant as she gave me a very hard massage. I told her several times to make it softer but I’m not really sure if she understood me or she just ignored me or she’s just very busy chatting to be bothered by me. So technically, I really got beaten up. Nonetheless, I still felt great after the massage. The end justified the means I guess plus I’ve paid THB300 only. YAY!